today, in the operating room in the midst of a cardiac surgery, i got my period. funny how a hospital had no feminine products that anyone of the dozen people i asked could find. hey, brit, do you have anything? britney returned a few minutes later with a fistful of gauze. really? were i at home i'd be asleep and have one hundred percent less gauze up my vagina.

is this what adults do for fun? i was in that bar dancing with two doctors, three dentists, two students, and one peruvian, until one in the morning. and it was okay. but maybe i'd have had a better time just fucking around with my friends or parents or even watching some cartoon network scooby-doo movie marathon. but i can't just sit there and watch women that i really like and respect dance like that to vie for the attention of a twenty year old boy, blaming it on the ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-alcohol. i couldn't participate, i couldn't pose for those pictures. not without getting in trouble from the police for distributing child pornography or something. how can they be so drunk when i drank the same amount as they did, and i hadn't had any alcohol ever in my life until last monday, when they have been drinking for years? i felt barely anything. so, that's just not where i belong. clubs and bars and tank tops with skinny jeans and heels. i was sitting there in my no deachunter teeshirt and ripped up old jeans, no makeup ( i was in the OR all day, why should it matter?). i really do love these people. i've just never felt so young in my life. so this is a learning experience, i'm just learning the kinds of things i wasn't expecting to learn.

!, luv michael

seriously, let's just take a moment to marvel over the sheer grandiosity/total magnificence of funeral. every song, every fucking second of the album is new and shiny and so fucking jovial that it sets my veins on fire. it sounds instantly familiar because it is the aural manifestation of that feeling in your stomach at the beginning of a great night, when there are hours laid out in front of you just waiting to be filled with whatever the fuck kinda fun you feel like. and you have no responsibilities or attachments and shit can go any which way, but not really because how it all ends up is exactly how it was gonna end up in the first place and that is so comforting that you can't stand it. and you are driving with the windows down and the air is sparking and sparkling and swirling around your head and in your lungs and you throw your arms and inhibitions out the window and your heart is pumping and you are screaming that you're alive and you're happy, you're really happy and you're really really alive!

so, great job pfork. you were right.