today, in the operating room in the midst of a cardiac surgery, i got my period. funny how a hospital had no feminine products that anyone of the dozen people i asked could find. hey, brit, do you have anything? britney returned a few minutes later with a fistful of gauze. really? were i at home i'd be asleep and have one hundred percent less gauze up my vagina.

is this what adults do for fun? i was in that bar dancing with two doctors, three dentists, two students, and one peruvian, until one in the morning. and it was okay. but maybe i'd have had a better time just fucking around with my friends or parents or even watching some cartoon network scooby-doo movie marathon. but i can't just sit there and watch women that i really like and respect dance like that to vie for the attention of a twenty year old boy, blaming it on the ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-alcohol. i couldn't participate, i couldn't pose for those pictures. not without getting in trouble from the police for distributing child pornography or something. how can they be so drunk when i drank the same amount as they did, and i hadn't had any alcohol ever in my life until last monday, when they have been drinking for years? i felt barely anything. so, that's just not where i belong. clubs and bars and tank tops with skinny jeans and heels. i was sitting there in my no deachunter teeshirt and ripped up old jeans, no makeup ( i was in the OR all day, why should it matter?). i really do love these people. i've just never felt so young in my life. so this is a learning experience, i'm just learning the kinds of things i wasn't expecting to learn.